She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
