You can't motorboat a personality
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
