I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
