Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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