Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
