Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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