why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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