Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
