There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
