oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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