He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
