Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come share oat with me in your robe
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
