I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
