Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
