I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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