You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
