the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
