"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
