i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
