she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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