Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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