Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
