yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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