The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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