and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how can u be prego again
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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