Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize