I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
