The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
