Sry I called you an 8
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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