I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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