he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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