I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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