WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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