and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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