you would pick up someone in the library
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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