Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
