addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
