im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
