I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize