tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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