i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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