When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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