tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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