I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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