My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
