dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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