I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
