you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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