i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
