This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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