I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize