I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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