Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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