i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
