Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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