Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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