And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The air was thick with penises
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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