Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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