Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
