so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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