Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
