You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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