I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
